Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
