Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
