Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
