I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
