1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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