After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
this beer tastes like vomit already
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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