and she was petting her beer can
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
