He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
