How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize