I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did i just pee glitter
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
