dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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