it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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