Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
