saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
