So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
