Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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