i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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