She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
