I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
