A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
