ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize