So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
