He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
