fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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