i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
