She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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