I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
