then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
