What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
