im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
