just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
