Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
