I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
