First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
