Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
