It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
