Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
