I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
