Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
