I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
