Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
