If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
