Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
