Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
