just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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