Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
