he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
