My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
