high people should be assigned attendants
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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