Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My pussy is not your playground.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
last night I used snow as a chaser
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
