bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize