On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
