I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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