Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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