Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
