Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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