i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
