sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
