i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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