even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
